 The masterpiece at the moment of attack as a custard pie emerges in the direction of the mighty potentate
| Man defaces priceless masterpiece in senseless custard pie attackby Artnose art crime correspondent The painting, depicting the mighty god Rupiter, the most powerful man in the world, seated on a golden throne in the clouds, with the beautiful, brooding pre-Raphaelite, leonine, porcelain-skinned, semi-naked goddess Rebekis kneeling beseechingly at his feet and tweaking his noble chin, was attacked by a demented unemployed man from Wapping while a policeman was asleep in the corner of the room. The attacker, a Mr Dave Dolekew an unemployed former News of the World journalist, simply strolled up to the great and all-powerful god and splattered the custard pie in his face. On seeing him assault the ageing potentate, a Chinese woman wrestled the man to the ground and beat him to a pulp with a rolled-up copy of the Metropolitan Police Retirement Chronicle, shrieking, "Leave him alone you ungrateful bastard, can't you see he's a defenceless old man with memory problems?" At that point the Chinese woman was led away for questioning by a Commons Committee led by Mr Keith Vazcular-Demensha and Ms Louise Ubermensch, MP for Barking Central. Shortly after the attack, experts removed the octagenarian deity from his perch high up on the wall, cleaned off the frothy traces of full cream dairy milk pie-filler (for that is what it was, according to forensic custard pie analysts from the Porton Down Microbiological Research Institute), before returning him to his former unassailable position high up in the clouds where he cannot be reached by mere humans ever again in the history of the universe. The
figure of the pouting, sultry, creamy-skinned goddess Rebekis crouching
at Rupiter's feet is often interpreted by art historians as signifying
an appeal for her job to be reinstated as Chief Executive of the Mount
Parnassus International Blagging Corp. "The implacable countenance of
the mighty god indicates that her appeals are in vain," said art
historian Professor James Blunt of the Courtauld Institute.
|
