 | Blood everywhere after ferocious shark attack at Royal Academy of Arts By our arts editor Moby Dickhead A shark was mortally wounded at the Royal Academy of Arts in London
this week when a retired swimming pool attendant from East Yorkshire
unleashed a brutal and unprovoked assault on the defenceless creature. more...
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 | Tracy Emin to be taught drawing at Royal Academy By Artnose editor Percy Flarge Tracey Emin, the woman famous for having survived a childhood in the south coast town of Margate, has been sent to the Royal Academy of Arts to learn how to draw. She will not be released until she has mastered simple stick figures and basic pencil-sharpening skills, said Academy staff. more... |
 | Bloomsbury man gives magnificent gift to Greece |
 | Gaddafi art collection impounded as rebels close in on TripoliBy our art war correspondent Orla Gauguin The private art collection of Colonel Muammar Gaddafi was seized this morning following a spectacular raid on the deposed Libyan dictator's compound in central Tripoli. more... |
 | Art and antique dealers threatened by nasty men Nasty people living somewhere else in the
world have been sending nasty letters to British art and |
 | Impressionism would not have happened without paint brushes, claims leading art critic Waldemar Januszczak Impressionism, the avant garde painting style introduced in France in
the late 19th century, which had a profound effect on the Modernist
movement that followed, would not have happened without paint brushes,
according to leading art critic Waldemar Januszczak (left). more... |
 | Lucian Freud, painter of comatose fat people, dies aged 230 |
 | Man defaces priceless masterpiece in senseless custard pie attackby Artnose art crime correspondent, Sir Paul Champney-Stephenson
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 | Neo-Nazis heap praise on Chapman Brothers as new exhibition opensby Artnose art critic, Saint Bernard von Berenson |
 | US Drone Strike Destroys Art Gallery in LahoreThe
so-called War on Terror took a devastating turn earlier today when a US
unmanned combat air vehicle, or 'drone', accidentally struck a
contemporary art gallery in downtown Lahore, Pakistan. The drone's three
hellfire missiles obliterated not only the pristine white exhibition
space but millions of pounds worth of blue-chip contemporary art.
Fortunately the gallery was empty at the time as most Lahore residents
remain utterly baffled by cutting edge contemporary art. more... |
 | Camp Delta named as new venue for contemporary art fair By Artnose art fairs editor Phil Booths Camp Delta, the infamous prison at Guantanamo Bay where suspects in the ‘war on terror’ have been subjected to ‘water-boarding’ and other forms of torture, has been slated as the venue for a new contemporary art fair. The first event, to be called ‘Camp Delta Contemporary’, will take place in the summer of 2012 and will host around 200 of the world’s most prestigious contemporary art dealers, say organizers. more... |
 | British artist immured in Fourth Plinth By our public sculpture correspondent, Damien Formaldehyde The famous British sculptor Sir Antony Gormley, MFI,
B&Q, RSI, has been accidentally incarcerated in the concrete block
known as the Fourth Plinth in Trafalgar Square (above). The
tragedy occurred as Mr Gormless was addressing the nation about the
state of society and the need to include members of the general public
in the charade, er sorry, celebratory panoply, of contemporary art. more...
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 | Van Gogh's ear to be sold at auction by Artnose Paris correspondent, Bernadette Merdalors AN EAR, believed to be the one severed by artist Vincent Van Gogh in a fit of demented self-mutilation, has been discovered in a glass jar in the attic of a farmhouse in Provence and is to be offered at auction in New York in January. It is expected to realise between $2-3 million. Experts believe that the ear (shown above left) could provide sufficient DNA to recreate the troubled genius whose vibrant canvases are now blue-chip commodities on the international art market. more... |
 | 'Leading art theft expert' stolen from public lecture hallBy Percy Flarge Professor Noah Charney (left), the self-styled pioneering world expert on art crime, has been stolen
in broad daylight while delivering a public lecture to a rapt audience
of three somewhere in Massachusetts. Specialist art detectives say there
is little chance of the silver-tongued criminologist ever being
recovered as he was the only person alive with the depth of knowledge
required to solve the crime. more...
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 | War on Terroir: 'Wine Flu' spreads through art trade |
 | Christie’s accused of serving rodent to customers By our Beijing culinary heritage reporter Yoo Nesco Christie’s, the fashionable restaurant in Paris, has been accused of serving rat to wealthy customers, it was revealed this week. To make matters worse, the rat was said to have originated in China. Visitors to the up-market Left Bank eaterie were appalled to discover Chinese rat on the menu. “It’s disgusting,” said Delia Llama, a Tibetan TV chef. “The rat is a traditional part of Chinese culinary culture. To steal it like this is disgraceful.” more... |
 | Museum worker canonizedBy our religious affairs correspondent, Mary MaudlinA humble museum worker (left) has been hailed as the new Messiah after healing the terminally ill, walking on water across the River Thames, feeding tens of thousands of hungry homeless people with just one Marks & Spencer prawn sandwich, and keeping the Elgin Marbles safe and sound in London. more...
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